I want everyone to like me, though I don't like everyone, and am in fact not fond of most people. I want everyone I care about to be happy all of the time. I want the people I love to never be upset with me. I want to be thinner, and I want to not care about being thinner. I want to stop using the words "bad" and "good" and "should" and "can't." I want to spend less time feeling bad. I want to be able to sit with emotional discomfort. I want to be grateful. I want to let this be enough. I want absolution of sins to feel real. I want someone to be on call for me whenever I am upset, which is a lot of the time. I want to grow up. I want to feel less fragile. I want to write my second novel about marriage. I want to be a real girl.