Esmé Weijun Wang

Incorrigible aesthete. Language as backbone. Compassion through intimacy.

Journal

Incorrigible aesthete. Language as backbone. Compassion through intimacy.

I'm a writer, a photographer, and a blogger. I believe in sharing as a form of stigma reduction, and write about my experiences with mental illness online, specifically my life with Schizoaffective Disorder.

Team Esmé

Team Es has really been holding me up over the last five months, but the last two weeks in particular have been especially rallying times for the team to get together, to have the hard conversations, to help me get help, to say, You can make it through this day, and in Chris' case, to email me a Louis CK video (among a million other things). These are the days when talking about doing outpatient hospitalization instead of "doing Christmas" happens; these are the days when I cry and it doesn't feel good; these are the days when I have to go to the doctors five times in one week and act like it ain't no thang while stuff wraps up at work, and I get to hear, Thanks for all of your hard work. I had bloodwork done on Friday and the mood stabilizer that's been keeping me mostly okay for the last ten years is supposed to be between 50 and 150 to be therapeutic. The bloodwork has indicated that I'm at the merry old number of 38, and at least gives me an explanation as to why, as I joke, the meatloaf tastes like ash.

If you're reading this and you're a member of Team Esmé, I just wanna say that you're amazing, really and truly amazing, and I am so grateful for you, during a holiday season when it's important to remember how good I've got it, and how much people give.

Hello. My name is Esmé, and I am a writer. (And a Gemini.)

But really, I'm a deep heartache made lyrical. A word-spined panther with shining eyes and a sleek silhouette. A fractured shaman.

I am amazing at loving deeply.

And I've devoted most of my life to sharing what it's like to have my kind of brain ailments with the ones who know, who understand -- as well as the ones who don't know, and are better because they do.

When you invite me into your life, you can expect to feel less alone. A joy at connection. Feeling beloved. And you'll probably be surprised and delighted by my silliness and goofy sense of humor. I like absurdity. I love to laugh so hard I cry.

My work matters because it alleviates the suffering caused by the fact that we are all separate human beings, in our separate bodies and minds.

I am here to remind you to please be kind. Because we all need love.

My question for you is: what is your great hurt?

In sum: I am not for the faint of heart. And neither are you, regardless of your wounds. Welcome.

this brief(ish) author bio was the result of playing with alexandra franzen's I AM worksheet, which you can download for free here, and which came from this post -- thanks, alx

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