lunar new year & control

I told my therapist last night, I have slipped into a deep place where I am feeling increasing amounts of a need for control. My handwriting gets tighter, neater. I make lists and more lists. I tidy. I tidy again. I make plans. I schedule. I pressure myself with existential questions, perhaps to justify my life. Rituals. Rules. Foods to eat and not eat. Control, control, control.