How does one say, “I’m not doing well?” How clearly does one delineate the unwellness?
Yes, I’ve been experiencing an psychiatric episode. Somehow, it goes beyond that. Last night: I could smell everything, the sound of anything hurt, the vibration of the upstairs neighbors hurt, the sound of a dog barking down the street hurt. I was stumbling — am stumbling — when walking. I am dizzy. I am seeing a neurologist tomorrow, primarily to evaluate me for a kind of encephalitis, which is a swelling and/or irritation of the brain, and yet I check Twitter, I make to-do lists, I insist on trying to fix the computer. I can’t tell if this is stubbornness or an unwillingness to give up the ghost. I’ve been receiving flowers from friends and loved ones, because I’ve asked for flowers. I take pictures. I don’t know what to say when the insurance company, with whom I’ve been struggling for nine months or more, asks me how I am.
I will say, though: please, be kind. Be meaningful. There’s so much to be busy about at this time of year, but remember to be kind — to others, yes, but also to your great and glorious self, which is capable of so much.